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I never thought of life coaching as an artform until now…
Of course it is an artform! Every single client is different and every client needs a customized approach. I've had to get really creative to figure out what works for every client to help them to get un-triggered… For Pauline, a quick round of EFT would get her to a 0. For Bre, deep journaling through the 5-column exercise and a long lecture would help her to get to that 0. Everyone is different. And I did my job well. God gave me the gift of coaching, like he gave me the gift of dance. When I am coaching a client, I completely feel like I am in my element. Time stops. I'm in the zone. I am doing my work. And it feels amazing when my client gets their breakthrough. Nothing really compares to this feeling… It's a very special feeling. It feels sacred to be able to assist someone to have such a momentous shift in their mindset. Everything suddenly changes for them. And I get to have the honor of witnessing it. It is now official in my mind. Life coaching is a legitimate artform just like singing, writing, dancing are valid artforms. Life coaching is art. In order for me to do life coaching, I must get into my creative process (just like I would when I do acro yoga). Amazing realization!! I love journaling haha! Journaling helps me to grow at the speed of light! My vow to dance forever - 3/20/22 - I am 33 years young, I will be 34 next month! And this is a momentous moment in my life RIGHT NOW as I make this vow!!!
I vow to dance for the rest of my natural life. (I don’t make a promise that I’d be a “successful dancer” because success is not under my control) (I don’t promise myself to become a “great dancer” because I don’t know if I can be great) (I don’t give myself time limits for the work, like: If I am not featured on a viral YouTube worship dance video by age ___, I’ll give up on this dream and go find another line of work) NO CONDITIONS OR RESTRICTIONS ON MY PATH AT ALL Deadline: NEVER "I simply vow that I will dance forever regardless of the result. I promise I will try to be BRAVE about it and GRATEFUL and as UNCOMPLAINING about it as I can possibly be. I also promise I would never ask dancing to take care of me financially, but that I would always take care of it, meaning that I would always support us both, by any legal means necessary. I do not ask for any external rewards for my devotion. I just want to spend my life as near to dancing as possible, forever close to that source of all my curiosity and contentment, and so I am willing to make whatever arrangements needed to be made in order to keep dancing!" Dear I BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN, you have served me WELL. My first client was Alli who started with me in November 2018. And now, I am officially closing down in March 2022. Bre just graduated this month, and Pauline just suspended her program with me because she is super being on rent and other bills.. I believe her. I feel content with not being a coach for "survivors of sexual abuse" anymore. I feel done with "helping" other people. I realized I actually canNOT help anyone and trying to encourage people to care about themselves is exhausting. Sometimes it feels like the more I try to encourage certain individuals to be proactive about empowering themselves, the more they resist (Killian, Yvette, Heing, Andria). Hm wait, there is a theme here... these are people who don't pay me... why in the world was I giving them unpaid advice??? That's my bad!! The ones that did change were Bre and Alli! Hallelujah!! They were the most diligent in my program... Only 2 in four years though... time to move on!!! It is SO TIME to care about myself now 100 percent. Time to have fun now. I want to move towards all the things that bring me joy! How interesting... Now that I am looking back, I literally started my IBILA business around the time when I got married (October 2018)!!! WOAH!!! As I developed my business, I realized I submerged myself into the identity of "SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL ABUSE" deeper and deeper until I was complete cemented in... This wrecked HAVOC on my marriage. Because being a "SURVIVOR OF ABUSE" was my proud identity, the Trigger Tornado came out and nearly destroyed my marriage several times!!!!!!! And it did destroy several relationships actually... I did NOT realize at the time that my triggers came out BECAUSE of my self-proclamation of being a SURVIVOR OF 8 YEARS OF SEXUAL ABUSE. If I am a severely abused victim/survivor (someone who barely made it out alive), then of course I would be triggered over many things, have PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder, have trouble with intimacy, and want to control my husband's every move! DUH!!! The moment I scraped the 3 unhelpful labels I had self-imposed on me, and came up with 3 new empowering labels, my life quickly began to change!!! 1) "sexual abuse" = THE BEST RESILIENCE TRAINING EVER!!! 2) "financial abuse" = THE BEST ADVANCE ENTREPRENEAURSHIP TRAINING EVER (BECAUSE I GOT IT WHILE I GOT THE BEST RESILIENCE TRAINING EVER!!!! SO AS AN ENTREPRENEUR, I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANY OBSTACLE THAT TRIES TO COME AT ME!!!! LOL!!! OMG, SOOOO TRUE!! 3) "painful marriage"= THE BEST INTIMACY PROGRAM EVER!!!!!!!! I NOW AM A ROLE MODEL FOR OTHER WOMEN TO HAVE AN AMAZING MARRIAGE NO MATTER WHAT!! LITERALLY, NO EXCUSES!!! Now that I am free of all my old dis-empowering labels, I feel soooooo light!!! Some random amazing things have been happening in my life:
So if I see that shifting my identify can produce SUCH powerful and incredible changes in my personality and in my life so suddenly, why not update my self-image into the best self-image I can think of??? hmmmm... let's have a fun brainstorm!!! I AM... Oh! I forgot! I had made one up already! Let's start with that draft first! "I am an EARLY BIRD, DEVOUT CHRISTIAN, DROP DEAD GORGOUS, VALUE OVERFLOWER, WHO CAN DO THE NEEDLE, NEAT FREAK!!!" Hahahahaha!!! I love this!!! I will add one more part to the end: "AND SMART/PROFITABLE WOMAN!!!" "I am an EARLY BIRD, DEVOUT CHRISTIAN, DROP DEAD GORGOUS, VALUE OVERFLOWER, WHO CAN DO THE NEEDLE, NEAT FREAK, SMART/PROFITABLE WOMAN!!!" Okay, now, I kinda want to scrap that and just free-flow whatever comes out, even though I love the aforementioned DIVA affirmation! Yas! My new self-image is...
I have talked about boundaries, boundaries, boundaries for a couple of years now. Boundary-setting with certain people is getting easier for me now (before, boundaries were nearly non-existent), and now I am working on more advanced boundaries skills on my husband.
My self-respecting boundary plan is to say "ouch" whenever my husband says something hurtful, sarcastic, disrespectful, or mean to me. And if he continues to hurt me verbally, I simply continue saying "ouch" (nothing more), and I even walk away to protect myself if needed. I do not attack him back with my words. I simply HONOR MYSELF by honoring my feelings whenever I feel hurt. When I am hurt, it is not because I am "too sensitive," it is because I have feelings. And as a woman, being in tune with my feelings is a GIFT! I no longer attack him back when he hurts me. Instead of getting angry, I get vulnerable and express my PAIN. What he does with that is up to him. But I will do whatever it takes to take care of my heart. I expect no apologies. If he gives an apology, I will be fully present and listen to every word. I will not interrupt him. I will let him express his full apology. I will not interrupt and say, "It's okay. It's okay" because hurting people is NOT okay. Instead, I will say, "Thank you for your apology. I accept your apology." I DESERVE full, heart-felt apologies, but I will not EXPECT them. Expectations will get me into trouble!!! Expectations will lead to me becoming resentful and then acting out on my various addictions (control, L, debting, etc). So in the event I get heart-felt apologies, I will receive, receive, receive fully!!! If I decide to say anything MORE than simply "ouch" and I get defensive and attack my husband, this will make it very hard for my husband to see that he has said/done something hurtful to me because he will be focused on the hurtful things I said/did. Sooooooo, the lesson is, keep your side of the street clean and just say, "ouch" when he hurts you and nothing more. Honor your feelings and go and take care of yourself. Go and do some healthy self-care and connect with God - God is the ONLY one who can fill up the void that is in your heart!!! No human being can fill up that void!!! Not your husband. Not your friends. Not your cat. Not even yourself. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Do not idolize your husband. Idolize God and connect with God!! Do the 6 Intimacy Skills on God!! Hallelujah!! |
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