Dear I BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN, you have served me WELL.
My first client was Alli who started with me in November 2018.
And now, I am officially closing down in March 2022. Bre just graduated this month, and Pauline just suspended her program with me because she is super being on rent and other bills.. I believe her.
I feel content with not being a coach for "survivors of sexual abuse" anymore.
I feel done with "helping" other people. I realized I actually canNOT help anyone and trying to encourage people to care about themselves is exhausting. Sometimes it feels like the more I try to encourage certain individuals to be proactive about empowering themselves, the more they resist (Killian, Yvette, Heing, Andria). Hm wait, there is a theme here... these are people who don't pay me... why in the world was I giving them unpaid advice??? That's my bad!!
The ones that did change were Bre and Alli! Hallelujah!! They were the most diligent in my program...
Only 2 in four years though... time to move on!!!
It is SO TIME to care about myself now 100 percent.
Time to have fun now.
I want to move towards all the things that bring me joy!
Now that I am looking back, I literally started my IBILA business around the time when I got married (October 2018)!!! WOAH!!!
As I developed my business, I realized I submerged myself into the identity of "SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL ABUSE" deeper and deeper until I was complete cemented in...
This wrecked HAVOC on my marriage.
Because being a "SURVIVOR OF ABUSE" was my proud identity, the Trigger Tornado came out and nearly destroyed my marriage several times!!!!!!! And it did destroy several relationships actually...
I did NOT realize at the time that my triggers came out BECAUSE of my self-proclamation of being a SURVIVOR OF 8 YEARS OF SEXUAL ABUSE. If I am a severely abused victim/survivor (someone who barely made it out alive), then of course I would be triggered over many things, have PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder, have trouble with intimacy, and want to control my husband's every move!
The moment I scraped the 3 unhelpful labels I had self-imposed on me, and came up with 3 new empowering labels, my life quickly began to change!!!
1) "sexual abuse" = THE BEST RESILIENCE TRAINING EVER!!!
2) "financial abuse" = THE BEST ADVANCE ENTREPRENEAURSHIP TRAINING EVER (BECAUSE I GOT IT WHILE I GOT THE BEST RESILIENCE TRAINING EVER!!!! SO AS AN ENTREPRENEUR, I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANY OBSTACLE THAT TRIES TO COME AT ME!!!! LOL!!! OMG, SOOOO TRUE!!
3) "painful marriage"= THE BEST INTIMACY PROGRAM EVER!!!!!!!! I NOW AM A ROLE MODEL FOR OTHER WOMEN TO HAVE AN AMAZING MARRIAGE NO MATTER WHAT!! LITERALLY, NO EXCUSES!!!
Now that I am free of all my old dis-empowering labels, I feel soooooo light!!! Some random amazing things have been happening in my life:
So if I see that shifting my identify can produce SUCH powerful and incredible changes in my personality and in my life so suddenly, why not update my self-image into the best self-image I can think of???
hmmmm... let's have a fun brainstorm!!!
Oh! I forgot! I had made one up already!
Let's start with that draft first!
"I am an EARLY BIRD, DEVOUT CHRISTIAN, DROP DEAD GORGOUS, VALUE OVERFLOWER, WHO CAN DO THE NEEDLE, NEAT FREAK!!!"
Hahahahaha!!! I love this!!!
I will add one more part to the end: "AND SMART/PROFITABLE WOMAN!!!"
"I am an EARLY BIRD, DEVOUT CHRISTIAN, DROP DEAD GORGOUS, VALUE OVERFLOWER, WHO CAN DO THE NEEDLE, NEAT FREAK, SMART/PROFITABLE WOMAN!!!"
Okay, now, I kinda want to scrap that and just free-flow whatever comes out, even though I love the aforementioned DIVA affirmation! Yas!
My new self-image is...