Goodbye "I Believe In Love Again . Com"

Dear I BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN, you have served me WELL.

My first client was Alli who started with me in November 2018.

And now, I am officially closing down in March 2022. Bre just graduated this month, and Pauline just suspended her program with me because she is super being on rent and other bills.. I believe her.

I feel content with not being a coach for "survivors of sexual abuse" anymore.

I feel done with "helping" other people. I realized I actually canNOT help anyone and trying to encourage people to care about themselves is exhausting. Sometimes it feels like the more I try to encourage certain individuals to be proactive about empowering themselves, the more they resist (Killian, Yvette, Heing, Andria). Hm wait, there is a theme here... these are people who don't pay me... why in the world was I giving them unpaid advice??? That's my bad!!

The ones that did change were Bre and Alli! Hallelujah!! They were the most diligent in my program...

Only 2 in four years though... time to move on!!!

It is SO TIME to care about myself now 100 percent.

Time to have fun now.

​I want to move towards all the things that bring me joy!

How interesting...

Now that I am looking back, I literally started my IBILA business around the time when I got married (October 2018)!!! WOAH!!!

As I developed my business, I realized I submerged myself into the identity of "SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL ABUSE" deeper and deeper until I was complete cemented in...

This wrecked HAVOC on my marriage.

Because being a "SURVIVOR OF ABUSE" was my proud identity, the Trigger Tornado came out and nearly destroyed my marriage several times!!!!!!! And it did destroy several relationships actually...

I did NOT realize at the time that my triggers came out BECAUSE of my self-proclamation of being a SURVIVOR OF 8 YEARS OF SEXUAL ABUSE. If I am a severely abused victim/survivor (someone who barely made it out alive), then of course I would be triggered over many things, have PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder, have trouble with intimacy, and want to control my husband's every move!

DUH!!!

The moment I scraped the 3 unhelpful labels I had self-imposed on me, and came up with 3 new empowering labels, my life quickly began to change!!!

​1) "sexual abuse" = THE BEST RESILIENCE TRAINING EVER!!!

2) "financial abuse" = THE BEST ADVANCE ENTREPRENEAURSHIP TRAINING EVER (BECAUSE I GOT IT WHILE I GOT THE BEST RESILIENCE TRAINING EVER!!!! SO AS AN ENTREPRENEUR, I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANY OBSTACLE THAT TRIES TO COME AT ME!!!! LOL!!! OMG, SOOOO TRUE!!

3) "painful marriage"= THE BEST INTIMACY PROGRAM EVER!!!!!!!! I NOW AM A ROLE MODEL FOR OTHER WOMEN TO HAVE AN AMAZING MARRIAGE NO MATTER WHAT!! LITERALLY, NO EXCUSES!!!

Now that I am free of all my old dis-empowering labels, I feel soooooo light!!! Some random amazing things have been happening in my life:

• I wear colored nail polish now
• I thoroughly enjoy snuggling with my cat now; not anxious guilt snuggling like I'm wasting time
• I have 3 sets of Chili Red lacey bra sets; never owned red before
• I started going to Acro jams again and yesterday, I did the Scorpion for the very first time with Cody
• I have zero anxiety about my financial situation at the moment even though I will no longer have my only two coaching clients and 1 nanny client after this month (so basically ZERO income starting next month April 2022); but I totally trust God that something amazing will happen.. I just have that feeling of TRUST like I used to, when I completely "believed in the Universe"
• God sent me the best 2 books I've ever read in my life thus far, which are both completely transforming my very being - The Empowered Wife" and "Big Magic" --> EW restored my marriage (yeah, no big deal) and Big Magic is giving me the confidence to do Acro totally imperfectly and happily!
• I feel lots of love for our brown chicken - I am able to hug her and kiss her now!
• I know who I am now because of the Freedom in Christ course I am in!! Hallelujah!

So if I see that shifting my identify can produce SUCH powerful and incredible changes in my personality and in my life so suddenly, why not update my self-image into the best self-image I can think of???

hmmmm... let's have a fun brainstorm!!!

​I AM...

Oh! I forgot! I had made one up already!

Let's start with that draft first!

"I am an EARLY BIRD, DEVOUT CHRISTIAN, DROP DEAD GORGOUS, VALUE OVERFLOWER, WHO CAN DO THE NEEDLE, NEAT FREAK!!!"

Hahahahaha!!! I love this!!!

I will add one more part to the end: "AND SMART/PROFITABLE WOMAN!!!"

"I am an EARLY BIRD, DEVOUT CHRISTIAN, DROP DEAD GORGOUS, VALUE OVERFLOWER, WHO CAN DO THE NEEDLE, NEAT FREAK, SMART/PROFITABLE WOMAN!!!"

Okay, now, I kinda want to scrap that and just free-flow whatever comes out, even though I love the aforementioned DIVA affirmation!  Yas!

My new self-image is...

• I am fun!  Super fun!  I am deeply loved, fun, and quirky.  Other fun or admiring people gravitate towards me and I HAVE LOTS OF FUN people in my life!!!  We love to laugh together and make things!
• I am gloriously confident!  I typically have a banana grin on my face.  I have a glimmer in my eye.  My heart radiates GIANT golden sunrays of gratitude!!​
• I am superbly gifted and I am not afraid to shine gloriously, using all my gifts or some of my gifts at any given time!  I am humble, but I am not shy.  I radiate because that is who I am - LIGHT.  I do not worry about whether people accept me or not.  The ones who are inspired by the LIGHT come toward me, and those who are not about the light, go away naturally.
• I don't take things personally.  I am able to see VERY CLEARLY that everyone is seriously doing the best that they can.  If people act out of their insecurities, it is because they are deeply insecure.  This has NOTHING to do with me, and it is not my job to inspire them to become courageous or fearless.  NOPE.  None of my business.  I just continue on shining as bright as I can because that is my job according to GOD.  I listen to God, I do not dim my light because some people might be uncomfortable being reminded that they are too scared to be a Light of the World too.  If anything, I am actually doing them a BIG FAVOR causing them discomfort, so they now they have a great opportunity to look within and see why they are so uncomfortable if they choose the path of curiosity and self-growth.  And again, if they don't.  That's their problem, not mine!  
• I LOVE DEVELOPING MY FUN RELATIONSHIPS!!!  I NATURALLY MOVE TOWARDS PEOPLE WHO DELIGHT IN MY RADIANCE, AND I DELIGHT IN THEIRS!!!  I HAVE LOTS OF FUN FRIENDS.  MY LIFE IS VERY COLORFUL FULL OF LAUGHTER, CONNECTION, HEALTHY INTIMACY, 
• I naturally and CONFIDENTLY move AWAY from judge-y, insecure, un-growing people... I CONFIDENTLY WALK AWAY, FAR AWAY WITHOUT EXPLANATION OR APOLOGY AND HANG OUT WITH THE FUN, POSITIVE PEOPLE WHO DELIGHT IN MY PRESEENCE!!!  If there are no fun, positive people around, then I go as far  away as I need to in order to commune with MY TRIBE!!! YES!!!!
• I naturally go towards CHOREOGRAPHY AND FREESTYLE DANCERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DUHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THIS IS WHERE PURE JOY IS!!!!!  OH MY GOSH, THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME THIS EPHIPHANY!!!